My Four Loko Experiment

A couple of weeks ago I bought into the hype and purchased a couple Four Lokos for my friend and I to sample. I only bought 3 because I didn't want things to get too out of hand. All I kept reading was how dangerous the drink was because someone had died drinking it. We split each can in half. I must say, although it accomplished the task of making me tipsy, I never felt drunk. I drank one and a half cans. I did however feel my heart beating fast as all get out! I was fully awake at 6 am and I had no control of that.

Even though I made I out alive, I don't think I will be partaking in anymore Four Loko nights. I woke up after only 4 hours of sleep feeling like crap! My stomach kept turning and my head was pounding. That is absolutely no way to live a life! I'm all in favor of them taking it off the market and fixing it. I still don't understand how someone dies from drinking a $3 drink. Any drinking is best done in moderation. When people understand that little message the colleges of the world will be a better place.

Thoughts on Love

I've always considered myself a hopeless romantic. I'm not really sure what the qualifications for the title are but I heard it once and decided that it best describes me. The past couple of years have done everything to tarnish that description. The truth is, up until a month ago I wasn't really sure that true love or love in general existed at all. I believe that the idea of love is just that! A mental abnormality that our society has come to embrace as normal. Sure, I would say that I have been "in love" a time or two. After analyzing those relationships I'm wasn't sure what exactly it was about those individuals that made me feel that way.

Of all the people I know I only know of one couple that I look at as the ideal love. These two people have been together for over 7 years. It started while they were in high school, carried on throughout college, and excelled into the real world. Words can not describe how happy I am for them and I pray and wish that their love and relationship is lifelong. I look at them as an example. Not to say they are perfect, because no one is, but their relationship is beautiful. Towards the end of this past summer I found myself smitten with a gentleman. I don't usually express my feelings of interest because I know how fickle I am. I lose interest as quickly as I catch it. I kind of wanted to see where things could go with this guy so I did what I always do when conflicted about an issue. I prayed about it. I just wanted a sign, something to tell me to go forward. Lo and behold, it hit me! I was driving home when I saw a man riding his bike. When he passed in front of my car he waved. I was so confused! Then I got a text that explained it all. It was from the guy whose relationship I admire. We chatted about his fiance and their new cat. After our convo it occurred to me that this was probably my sign!

I went ahead and asked my crush out for some lunch. I felt like I had no other choice. I had lived in my apartment for 2 years and never once spotted my old friend. It was all too ironic. Anyway, I went to lunch, had the best time, and started to swoon over this guy even more. The thought of actually liking someone kind of scared me. I hadn't had a love interest in over 2 years! I thought long and hard about what it was that I would want from this guy if I proceed with my feelings. I couldn't answer my own question. I want to attribute that to the fact that I'm not a pursuer. I've never had to chase a man and wouldn't have the slightest idea where to start. I would probably flash him my boob trying to say "I want you"! In true Penny fashion I got a little tipsy and confessed to him that I had a crush on him. How's that for romance! I was a little embarrassed at first, but then I felt relief. I had thrown my cards down on the table. If he reciprocated the feeling then good. If not then it would help me get over it.

During the time I was enamored and trying to figure things out I watched a movie called PaperHeart. I didn't expect to gain so much from a fictional documentary. I realized that I had been looking at things a little wrong. Love and relationships can not be looked at from a place of anger and bitterness. You have to keep an open mind and heart about the idea. True love may come and stay or come and go. Either way that is an experience that you were supposed to have. I felt a burst of rejuvenation in my brain and spirit. I know who my true love is. that person is gone from my life and I wouldn't have it any other way! The time that we shared taught me a lot, so there is nothing bad that can be said about that experience. Will I ever find that again? Maybe. Is a few months of pain and heartache just cause to write off the whole idea? Hell no! As I learned from the movie Love Jones, sometimes pain and heartache is a part a the cycle of love. If I allow myself to be bitter and withdrawn from the idea or possibility of love I'd have a lot more to lose than if I open my heart.

So there it is! My circle of thoughts about love. I'm good where I am right now. I'm single with no prospects in the near future but who knows what tomorrow holds?! I'll just keep an open mind to what might happen:).

Have You Ever...?

Have you ever done something to hurt someone? Like, really hurt someone. I ask because I know in my life I have been seriously hurt by a few people, whether or not they knew they were hurting me at the time the act was committed is another story. As I get older I'm getting more reflective. I always look back at my actions and wonder what they said about me. So this has me wondering if at any point in my life I've seriously emotionally wounded someone. I'm sure I have, but no one has ever come to me with it. Sometimes I want to make a post on facebook and allow people to express and negative feelings they have about me. Part of me just wants to know for the sake of being nosy. The other part of me doesn't really care that much.

I...

I feel the need to fly.
I feel the need to fall.
I lust for newness.
I want to move past my mistakes.
I have to break free.
I grow tired of these things.
I will make some shit up.
I have to game plan.
I will get it together eventually

Ain't I A Woman?!

I went to Target today to purchase some feminine products. So I go all the way to the back, you know, where they stock all the bulk items. I browse the lane to see what bulk goodies I can get for cheap. Lo & behold they had a family pack of Kotex pads for only $7.48!!! I had to cop it. I was then faced with having to walk aaallll the way to the front of the store, which seemed like a mile, holding this giant bag of pads. It seemed like every male in the store stopped and stared as I walked by. It was kind of funny actually. I did end up breaking into a jog to get to the checkout line but in the end I got 4 months worth of protection. I ain't mad!

The Season of Lent

I am not catholic. Nor was I ever raised Catholic. I'm a baptist by practice, but aren't we all Christian?! I know a lot of people that don't observe the period of Lent, my own mother being one, but this year I have decided that I will try something new. I've always wanted to fast but feared I did not possess the strength. I have made attempts but failed miserably. I decided that I would observe Lent this year because I believe in the tradition. Sacrifice is a part of life. Growing up in a Liberian household I learned that lesson well. You can't truly want something and not sacrifice for it. I Love my Lord and I am so thankful for all that he has given me. A little sacrifice on behalf of what he sacrificed for me is nothing! His life to my peanut butter & frosted flakes.

Which brings me to what I'm giving up for Lent. My beloved peanut butter and the key to my heart, frosted flakes. Y'all might not understand, but peanut butter is an essential part of my diet since I don't eat a lot of meet. I eat peanut butter sandwiches almost everyday. They are delicious! Especially when they are toasted. Oh, be still my heart. As for the frosted flakes I eat about 3-5 boxes a month. I could eat a bowl for every meal of the day! This should be quite an experience. I've never had to go without the foods I love the most. I hope you all can get into the spirit of sacrifice this season. Be good.

Confession...

He was my first, and I wished he would have been the only. I wanted him to be my last first kiss. I couldn't stand him! I was always angry with him. We never seemed to get along. We spent so much time apart that I often forgot his touch or his smell. I couldn't see his smile anymore so I wanted out. I opened the door and walked out. But he didn't follow me. I miss him. Somedays are good, but some days are bad. I wish I didn't get so angry that night. I don't even remember what I was so heated about.